You're one of a kind!

Imagine you are a Tiffany Vase.

You're one of a kind.

Someone has put you together with the most extraordinary care.

You're uniquely beautiful.

But you are blue.  You are a blue vase.

And if you are put on display and somebody wants an orange vase, there is nothing you can do.

You are who you are.  And the most you know that, the less personally you will take it when someone 

chooses something else.

-Julie Motyka, Actress

I think we can all agree that rejection sucks.  Whether it is getting dumped by someone you thought was The One, getting that courtesy email from a no-longer-potential employer, or not getting cast in a play or chosen for a team, nobody wants to be told that they aren't wanted.

But, here's the thing: It's not you, it's them.

Seriously.  

You are perfect.  We all are. 

Like the proverbial snowflake, each one of us is created in our own unique mold and then it's thrown away.  Each one of us is that way for a reason.

It's in comparing ourselves to others who have what we want or allowing someone else's preferences make us feel inferior that we forget that we are perfect just the way we are.

Rejection simply means that whatever you were going after wasn't the right fit for you. If you can see rejection for what it is, the fear of it will fall away, and you will no longer be afraid to risk it in your journey to find your best fit in the world.

Don't forget that you are priceless, like a Tiffany vase or the Hope Diamond, but even more so because you are a living, breathing being and the world is your oyster.  If someone prefers the orange vase to your brilliant blue one, that does not make you any less fabulous.

Give yourself a pep-talk!

“Every waking moment we talk to ourselves about the things we experience. Our self-talk, the thoughts we communicate to ourselves, in turn control the way we feel and act.”  ~ John Lembo

We all have voices in our heads.  Often, the most critical voices can seem to be the loudest.  The good news is: we have the power to change that.  How we talk to ourselves will influence the way we approach the world.  We have the choice to make that talk positive or negative.

It might take saying positive words out loud to ourselves, which might seem silly.  But, if we do it enough, that voice becomes internalized and can even drown out all those negative parrots squawking around in there.

Take a page from Jack Donaghy, and give yourself a pep-talk!

Does anyone ever realize life while they live it?

How easily we can forget how precious life is!  So long as we can remember, we've just been here, being alive.  Unlike other things for which we have comparison,-black to white, day to night, good to bad-we are so immersed in life that we can see it only in context of itself.  We don't see life as compare to anything, to not-being, for example, to never having been born.  Life just is.

But life itself is a gift.  It's a compliment just being born: to feel, breathe, think, play, dance, sing, work, make love, for this particular lifetime.

Today, let's give thanks for life.  For life itself!  For simply being born.

-Daphne Rose Kingma

What a beautiful thing it is to be blessed with this earthly adventure, with all of its joy and pain and anger and love.  How easy it is to forget this in our day to day lives...

EMILY: Does anyone ever realize life while they live it?  Every, every minute?

STAGE MANAGER: "No.  Saints and Poets, maybe...they do some."

I dedicate today's post to my grandmother, Esther Marie Fischle Joy.  She lived life in the most joyful way possible; a true saint, if there ever was one. I am so grateful to have had her as part of my story, and to have been part of hers.

Esther Marie Fischle Joy
"Tutu"
1923-2013

Who you are, and what you do, are not the same.

Who you are, and what you do, are not the same.  Express your doing from your being, and you will enjoy what you do.  

This equals happiness.

Do this consistently, over a long period of time, and you will do what you want to do.  

This equals freedom.

Your natural essence is your inner beauty.  Let it shine.  

Your light is unique, and without the world is a darker place.

Paper People. Restore PT & Wellness, Ashburn, VA. photo by: Shannon Madden

Without a doubt, one of the most common ice-breaker questions in American society is this one: "What do you do?"

For some, the answer can be pretty simple--I'm a doctor, I'm a lawyer, I'm a teacher, I'm in advertising.

For others, this brings forth a wave of anxiety, because they might be doing something that isn't necessarily what they want to be doing and they don't want to be defined by it.  Or they may feel like they won't rank as high on the totem pole. Some people start to feel very small in the face of this question.

The quote above makes two points.

First, is that your job or what you do, is NOT who you are.  Even if your job might not be what you want it to be right now, there is no need to feel small in the face of the dreaded "what do you do?," question.

Who you REALLY are is your essence.  It comes from within and it is totally unique, but at the same time totally a part of the unified whole that makes us humans.

Letting this essence shine is the ultimate true self-expression.  It will make you feel alive and in-tune.  Not only that, but your light will shine upon who ever is around you, allowing them to feel safe to do the same.  It will send waves of positivity to everyone around you.  That is far more valuable than impressing someone with a job title.  

The other point this quote makes is that if your essence, or heart, is not in what you are doing, you are not allowing yourself to "do" as a natural extension of what you "are".  We all have to eat, but people who are internally motivated--not just motivated by a paycheck--are more productive, more focused, and more efficient.  Not to mention, to them, it doesn't really feel like work.  Doing what you love leads to happiness.  Unshakable happiness, in it's purest form, is the ultimate freedom.

We are all endowed with different gifts that are intended for us to share.  If we are motivated by purely external factors or are doing what we think we should be doing, rather than what we feel driven to do from within, it is almost certain that some of our gifts are going unused.

What are your gifts?  Are you sharing them?  How can you use them to contribute and make society, or simply someone's day, a little brighter?

Erie, PA, sunset. photo by: Shannon Madden

Hello, Yellow Brick Road

Usually, the best way to find the yellow brick road of your life, is to start out on the dusty, dirt one.

  And then let yourself become so preoccupied in making the best of it, having fun, and challenging yourself that you actually stop paying attention to the path.



Until, one day, not so long from now, with a new best friend, wearing cool clothes, feeling awesome, a teeny tiny bit taller, fresh from a WOW vacation, looking for the path you just left, you'll notice that it's 24 carats... baby.



And you'll wonder for a long, long time, sipping on some exotic fruit drink, when the transformation actually took place...  

-Tut.com

Every morning, I am greeted with a note from the Universe.  Tut.com is an inspirational website that sends you a burst of morning motivation every weekday.  I found today's message particularly interesting. 

We are an end-goal oriented society.  We focus on the top of the mountain instead of the first step it takes to get there.   With yoga, many people are deterred because they look at the cover of yoga magazines and see very advanced poses and say, "I can't do that, so I can't do yoga."   

That is where they are mistaken.  What makes yoga, yoga, very simply, is breathing and being present.   When we are walking, if we are mindful of our breath, moving in and out, we are doing yoga.  When we are lying in corpse pose, not moving a muscle, and we are paying attention, we are doing yoga.  We are reaping most of the same benefits as those that fly up into crow pose or headstand--lowered blood-pressure, calmer mind, less anxiety, and more.  

But, if we have the attitude that because we can't get the brass ring in our first class, we put up a wall, and block ourselves from going on a beautiful journey.

This can translate into other parts of life.  Many people have the drive to be something, whether it be a doctor or an actor or a business person.  Yet, when they think of these things, they see the movie star or the renowned MD or the CEO.  Then, they see what it takes to get there, and the road seems long, windy, dark, and dusty.  It might mean being a starving grad student or doing extra roles or interning for free.  This is enough to turn many people another, less-fulfilling direction.

In the Tao, ancient Chinese philosopher Laozi says, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

It's great to visualize where you want to end up, but you have to take the first step.  We must accept that the road is far from golden at the beginning.  Just like Dorothy experienced on her way to Oz, there will be dark forests and obstacles to overcome, but if we can find a way to enjoy these obstacles and value the lessons that we learn from our momentary set-backs, the rewards will be even more satisfying.

I Walk Down a Different Street...

Autobiography in Five Chapters 

 1) I walk down the street.

 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. 

 I am lost … I am hopeless.

 It isn’t my fault. 

 It takes forever to find a way out. 

 2) I walk down the same street. 

 There is a hole in the sidewalk. 

 I pretend I don’t see it.

 I fall in again. 

 I can’t believe I am in the same place. 

 But it isn’t my fault. 

 It still takes a long time to get out.

 3) I walk down the same street. 

 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. 

 I see it there.

 I still fall in … it’s a habit.

 My eyes are open I knowwhere I am.

 It is my fault. I get out immediately.

 4) I walk down the same street. 

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it. 

 5) I walk down another street. 

 - Excerpt from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche 

We all have bad habits.  Whether they come in the form of cheeseburgers, cigarettes, unhealthy relationships, or biting our nails, we know that our lives would be better if we stopped, but we just can't seem to do it.  Sometimes we use excuses like stress or unhappiness or bad luck to explain away our actions so we can put the responsibility on something else other than ourselves.  We beat ourselves up for being so weak.  

Sogyal Rinpoche tells us that bad habits are human nature.  We all have the potential for them, but we all also have the strength within us to let them go.  It may take days, weeks, or years, but the key is seeing your habit and understanding that it is fully within your power to continue or stop it.  By taking responsibility for habits and refusing to be a victim to circumstances, we assume great power to overcome any obstacle, especially the habit.

This auto-biography also tells us that the process of avoiding the hole and choosing a different path takes awhile.  We all remember the movie Groundhog Day, where Bill Murray must live February 2nd over and over again until he fixes the bad habits in his life. That is a full feature film of worth of falling into a hole and figuring out how to get out, only to fall in again.

But just like Bill eventually figured it out and could finally move onto February 3rd, with dedication, personal responsibility, and inner-stregnth, we all have the power to re-train ourselves to avoid our own potholes and walk down a healthier, happier street.

When one door closes....

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

-Helen Keller/Alexander Graham Bell

None of us is a stranger to change.  Sometimes change is exciting and fun, but other times it can leave us yearning for the life we used to know.  Especially at the beginning, it is hard to look past how the new situation is different or worse than the old situation to see the good points.

I'll share an example from my own life.  I, myself, am in a position of transition.  It's not that I've never been in one before--I've lived in cities thousands of miles from home--, but it has been a while. 

I've recently moved from the tranquility of my childhood home in the suburbs to an apartment in the bustling city.  It has been hard to look past the challenges that have come up: a long commute, getting lost in a maze of one-way streets, trouble parking, loud city sounds, the need for heightened security awareness, dust bunnies, less space...the list goes on. 

But, living in the city is full of possibilities.  It means restaurants and stores within walking distance; stimulation of all the senses; outdoor cafes with excellent eavesdropping; more nooks and crannies to explore; the possibility of meeting more young, creative people; more culture and entertainment; the opportunity to be fully independent again.

It's hard not to look at the red front door of my old home and not want to run back inside, but if I can allow myself to walk through this new door that has been opened for me and explore, I know that happiness and opportunity are not far.

The sooner we can direct our attention from the door that has closed behind us to the door that is welcoming us in, the sooner we can see the beauty that awaits.