When one door closes....

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

-Helen Keller/Alexander Graham Bell

None of us is a stranger to change.  Sometimes change is exciting and fun, but other times it can leave us yearning for the life we used to know.  Especially at the beginning, it is hard to look past how the new situation is different or worse than the old situation to see the good points.

I'll share an example from my own life.  I, myself, am in a position of transition.  It's not that I've never been in one before--I've lived in cities thousands of miles from home--, but it has been a while. 

I've recently moved from the tranquility of my childhood home in the suburbs to an apartment in the bustling city.  It has been hard to look past the challenges that have come up: a long commute, getting lost in a maze of one-way streets, trouble parking, loud city sounds, the need for heightened security awareness, dust bunnies, less space...the list goes on. 

But, living in the city is full of possibilities.  It means restaurants and stores within walking distance; stimulation of all the senses; outdoor cafes with excellent eavesdropping; more nooks and crannies to explore; the possibility of meeting more young, creative people; more culture and entertainment; the opportunity to be fully independent again.

It's hard not to look at the red front door of my old home and not want to run back inside, but if I can allow myself to walk through this new door that has been opened for me and explore, I know that happiness and opportunity are not far.

The sooner we can direct our attention from the door that has closed behind us to the door that is welcoming us in, the sooner we can see the beauty that awaits.

Be grateful for whatever comes...

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi

It's not easy to be as optimistic as the 13th-century mystic poet Rumi, but reading his work can at least plant the seed. Being human is full of ups and downs.  The downs can be be pretty rough, but if we can think about the downs as preparation for the good that is right around the corner, it might help us sleep better at night.

The bad moments can also be important messengers to direct our attention towards the things that are going well.   As Robin Williams says in Good Will Hunting, "You'll have bad times, but it'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to.

Just like a devastating fire that clears a forest to make way for new growth, every experience, good or bad, has a purpose, which will someday become clear.  Our challenge is to remain positive and patient until it does that purpose is revealed.  

Be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

The Art of Letting Go...

A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her.

The senior monk carried this woman on his shoulder, forded the river and let her down on the other bank. The junior monk was very upset, but said nothing.

They both were walking and senior monk noticed that his junior was suddenly silent and enquired “Is something the matter, you seem very upset?”

The junior monk replied, “As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?”

The senior monk replied, “I left the woman a long time ago at the bank, however, you seem to be carrying her still.”

Japanese Garden, Portland, OR

We all have things in life that get under our skin.  Aggressive drivers that won't let us in, nagging co-workers, rude customer service people are just a few of the many offenders that we come into contact with every day.

After these interactions, it's only human to stew for a while, just like the junior monk.  The feelings we experience can be frustrating and very upsetting.  But, what good does it do to replay the scene and relive the frustration again and again? It certainly won't change what happened or, even, "pay back" the offender.  It will just ruin your day.

What the senior monk has learned, and what he was trying to impart to his junior counterpart, is the concept of letting go.

What do we gain from holding onto the negativity that we meet in life?

More negativity.

What do we gain from letting the negativity go?

Peace.

----

This week, if you have the misfortune to run into such a situation, first, take a deep breath and let it out.

Then, think of the whole situation and all the negativity surrounding it like a big balloon.  Once's you've collected everything associated with the event, let go of the balloon and let it float away it disappears.

Next, think of 3 interactions that filled your life with positivity.  Let them replace the hole that the negative event left in your life.

Finally, smile.  :)

Abide at the Center of Your Being

Abide at the center of your being.

-Lao Tzu

Always we hope
someone else has the answer,
some other place will be better,
some other time,
it will turn out.

This is it.

No one else has the answer,
no other place will be better,
and it has already turned out.

At the center of your being,
you have the answer:
you know who you are and
you know what you want.

There is no need to run outside
for better seeing,
nor to peer from a window.

Rather abide at the center of your being:
for the more you leave it,
the less you learn.

Search your heart and see
the way to do is to be.

Like a lot of people in my generation, I grew up in an environment that was very achievement driven.  Getting good grades in school was paramount.  I hate to admit it, but there were times when I so desperately wanted to ace a homework assignment that I sneaked a peak at the answers in the back of the book instead of spending more time working through an answer that just didn't seem to come.  Getting the right answer was more important than learning how to get there.

As it turns out, this kind of thing turned out to be a major disservice to my adult-self.  The problems we face as an adult are far more complicated than the chemistry problems of high school, and finding the answers seems harder than ever.

What do I do with my life?

Am I living in the right place?

Am I taking the right path?

What can I do that will make people proud of me?

Am I doing the right thing for my family?

Am I doing the best I can?

The more we scramble to seek the answers by looking outside us, to parents, to teachers, to peers, to competitors, the further from the answers we become.  

What Lao Tzu says is that we don't have to look in the back of the book to find the right answers to our life because there are no right answers, and that is totally ok.  

The only thing we have to do, is to BE. 

That's the only answer.