Give yourself a pep-talk!

“Every waking moment we talk to ourselves about the things we experience. Our self-talk, the thoughts we communicate to ourselves, in turn control the way we feel and act.”  ~ John Lembo

We all have voices in our heads.  Often, the most critical voices can seem to be the loudest.  The good news is: we have the power to change that.  How we talk to ourselves will influence the way we approach the world.  We have the choice to make that talk positive or negative.

It might take saying positive words out loud to ourselves, which might seem silly.  But, if we do it enough, that voice becomes internalized and can even drown out all those negative parrots squawking around in there.

Take a page from Jack Donaghy, and give yourself a pep-talk!

Does anyone ever realize life while they live it?

How easily we can forget how precious life is!  So long as we can remember, we've just been here, being alive.  Unlike other things for which we have comparison,-black to white, day to night, good to bad-we are so immersed in life that we can see it only in context of itself.  We don't see life as compare to anything, to not-being, for example, to never having been born.  Life just is.

But life itself is a gift.  It's a compliment just being born: to feel, breathe, think, play, dance, sing, work, make love, for this particular lifetime.

Today, let's give thanks for life.  For life itself!  For simply being born.

-Daphne Rose Kingma

What a beautiful thing it is to be blessed with this earthly adventure, with all of its joy and pain and anger and love.  How easy it is to forget this in our day to day lives...

EMILY: Does anyone ever realize life while they live it?  Every, every minute?

STAGE MANAGER: "No.  Saints and Poets, maybe...they do some."

I dedicate today's post to my grandmother, Esther Marie Fischle Joy.  She lived life in the most joyful way possible; a true saint, if there ever was one. I am so grateful to have had her as part of my story, and to have been part of hers.

Esther Marie Fischle Joy
"Tutu"
1923-2013

Who you are, and what you do, are not the same.

Who you are, and what you do, are not the same.  Express your doing from your being, and you will enjoy what you do.  

This equals happiness.

Do this consistently, over a long period of time, and you will do what you want to do.  

This equals freedom.

Your natural essence is your inner beauty.  Let it shine.  

Your light is unique, and without the world is a darker place.

Paper People. Restore PT & Wellness, Ashburn, VA. photo by: Shannon Madden

Without a doubt, one of the most common ice-breaker questions in American society is this one: "What do you do?"

For some, the answer can be pretty simple--I'm a doctor, I'm a lawyer, I'm a teacher, I'm in advertising.

For others, this brings forth a wave of anxiety, because they might be doing something that isn't necessarily what they want to be doing and they don't want to be defined by it.  Or they may feel like they won't rank as high on the totem pole. Some people start to feel very small in the face of this question.

The quote above makes two points.

First, is that your job or what you do, is NOT who you are.  Even if your job might not be what you want it to be right now, there is no need to feel small in the face of the dreaded "what do you do?," question.

Who you REALLY are is your essence.  It comes from within and it is totally unique, but at the same time totally a part of the unified whole that makes us humans.

Letting this essence shine is the ultimate true self-expression.  It will make you feel alive and in-tune.  Not only that, but your light will shine upon who ever is around you, allowing them to feel safe to do the same.  It will send waves of positivity to everyone around you.  That is far more valuable than impressing someone with a job title.  

The other point this quote makes is that if your essence, or heart, is not in what you are doing, you are not allowing yourself to "do" as a natural extension of what you "are".  We all have to eat, but people who are internally motivated--not just motivated by a paycheck--are more productive, more focused, and more efficient.  Not to mention, to them, it doesn't really feel like work.  Doing what you love leads to happiness.  Unshakable happiness, in it's purest form, is the ultimate freedom.

We are all endowed with different gifts that are intended for us to share.  If we are motivated by purely external factors or are doing what we think we should be doing, rather than what we feel driven to do from within, it is almost certain that some of our gifts are going unused.

What are your gifts?  Are you sharing them?  How can you use them to contribute and make society, or simply someone's day, a little brighter?

Erie, PA, sunset. photo by: Shannon Madden

Hello, Yellow Brick Road

Usually, the best way to find the yellow brick road of your life, is to start out on the dusty, dirt one.

  And then let yourself become so preoccupied in making the best of it, having fun, and challenging yourself that you actually stop paying attention to the path.



Until, one day, not so long from now, with a new best friend, wearing cool clothes, feeling awesome, a teeny tiny bit taller, fresh from a WOW vacation, looking for the path you just left, you'll notice that it's 24 carats... baby.



And you'll wonder for a long, long time, sipping on some exotic fruit drink, when the transformation actually took place...  

-Tut.com

Every morning, I am greeted with a note from the Universe.  Tut.com is an inspirational website that sends you a burst of morning motivation every weekday.  I found today's message particularly interesting. 

We are an end-goal oriented society.  We focus on the top of the mountain instead of the first step it takes to get there.   With yoga, many people are deterred because they look at the cover of yoga magazines and see very advanced poses and say, "I can't do that, so I can't do yoga."   

That is where they are mistaken.  What makes yoga, yoga, very simply, is breathing and being present.   When we are walking, if we are mindful of our breath, moving in and out, we are doing yoga.  When we are lying in corpse pose, not moving a muscle, and we are paying attention, we are doing yoga.  We are reaping most of the same benefits as those that fly up into crow pose or headstand--lowered blood-pressure, calmer mind, less anxiety, and more.  

But, if we have the attitude that because we can't get the brass ring in our first class, we put up a wall, and block ourselves from going on a beautiful journey.

This can translate into other parts of life.  Many people have the drive to be something, whether it be a doctor or an actor or a business person.  Yet, when they think of these things, they see the movie star or the renowned MD or the CEO.  Then, they see what it takes to get there, and the road seems long, windy, dark, and dusty.  It might mean being a starving grad student or doing extra roles or interning for free.  This is enough to turn many people another, less-fulfilling direction.

In the Tao, ancient Chinese philosopher Laozi says, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

It's great to visualize where you want to end up, but you have to take the first step.  We must accept that the road is far from golden at the beginning.  Just like Dorothy experienced on her way to Oz, there will be dark forests and obstacles to overcome, but if we can find a way to enjoy these obstacles and value the lessons that we learn from our momentary set-backs, the rewards will be even more satisfying.

I Walk Down a Different Street...

Autobiography in Five Chapters 

 1) I walk down the street.

 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. 

 I am lost … I am hopeless.

 It isn’t my fault. 

 It takes forever to find a way out. 

 2) I walk down the same street. 

 There is a hole in the sidewalk. 

 I pretend I don’t see it.

 I fall in again. 

 I can’t believe I am in the same place. 

 But it isn’t my fault. 

 It still takes a long time to get out.

 3) I walk down the same street. 

 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. 

 I see it there.

 I still fall in … it’s a habit.

 My eyes are open I knowwhere I am.

 It is my fault. I get out immediately.

 4) I walk down the same street. 

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it. 

 5) I walk down another street. 

 - Excerpt from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche 

We all have bad habits.  Whether they come in the form of cheeseburgers, cigarettes, unhealthy relationships, or biting our nails, we know that our lives would be better if we stopped, but we just can't seem to do it.  Sometimes we use excuses like stress or unhappiness or bad luck to explain away our actions so we can put the responsibility on something else other than ourselves.  We beat ourselves up for being so weak.  

Sogyal Rinpoche tells us that bad habits are human nature.  We all have the potential for them, but we all also have the strength within us to let them go.  It may take days, weeks, or years, but the key is seeing your habit and understanding that it is fully within your power to continue or stop it.  By taking responsibility for habits and refusing to be a victim to circumstances, we assume great power to overcome any obstacle, especially the habit.

This auto-biography also tells us that the process of avoiding the hole and choosing a different path takes awhile.  We all remember the movie Groundhog Day, where Bill Murray must live February 2nd over and over again until he fixes the bad habits in his life. That is a full feature film of worth of falling into a hole and figuring out how to get out, only to fall in again.

But just like Bill eventually figured it out and could finally move onto February 3rd, with dedication, personal responsibility, and inner-stregnth, we all have the power to re-train ourselves to avoid our own potholes and walk down a healthier, happier street.

When one door closes....

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

-Helen Keller/Alexander Graham Bell

None of us is a stranger to change.  Sometimes change is exciting and fun, but other times it can leave us yearning for the life we used to know.  Especially at the beginning, it is hard to look past how the new situation is different or worse than the old situation to see the good points.

I'll share an example from my own life.  I, myself, am in a position of transition.  It's not that I've never been in one before--I've lived in cities thousands of miles from home--, but it has been a while. 

I've recently moved from the tranquility of my childhood home in the suburbs to an apartment in the bustling city.  It has been hard to look past the challenges that have come up: a long commute, getting lost in a maze of one-way streets, trouble parking, loud city sounds, the need for heightened security awareness, dust bunnies, less space...the list goes on. 

But, living in the city is full of possibilities.  It means restaurants and stores within walking distance; stimulation of all the senses; outdoor cafes with excellent eavesdropping; more nooks and crannies to explore; the possibility of meeting more young, creative people; more culture and entertainment; the opportunity to be fully independent again.

It's hard not to look at the red front door of my old home and not want to run back inside, but if I can allow myself to walk through this new door that has been opened for me and explore, I know that happiness and opportunity are not far.

The sooner we can direct our attention from the door that has closed behind us to the door that is welcoming us in, the sooner we can see the beauty that awaits.

Be grateful for whatever comes...

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi

It's not easy to be as optimistic as the 13th-century mystic poet Rumi, but reading his work can at least plant the seed. Being human is full of ups and downs.  The downs can be be pretty rough, but if we can think about the downs as preparation for the good that is right around the corner, it might help us sleep better at night.

The bad moments can also be important messengers to direct our attention towards the things that are going well.   As Robin Williams says in Good Will Hunting, "You'll have bad times, but it'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to.

Just like a devastating fire that clears a forest to make way for new growth, every experience, good or bad, has a purpose, which will someday become clear.  Our challenge is to remain positive and patient until it does that purpose is revealed.  

Be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

The Art of Letting Go...

A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her.

The senior monk carried this woman on his shoulder, forded the river and let her down on the other bank. The junior monk was very upset, but said nothing.

They both were walking and senior monk noticed that his junior was suddenly silent and enquired “Is something the matter, you seem very upset?”

The junior monk replied, “As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?”

The senior monk replied, “I left the woman a long time ago at the bank, however, you seem to be carrying her still.”

Japanese Garden, Portland, OR

We all have things in life that get under our skin.  Aggressive drivers that won't let us in, nagging co-workers, rude customer service people are just a few of the many offenders that we come into contact with every day.

After these interactions, it's only human to stew for a while, just like the junior monk.  The feelings we experience can be frustrating and very upsetting.  But, what good does it do to replay the scene and relive the frustration again and again? It certainly won't change what happened or, even, "pay back" the offender.  It will just ruin your day.

What the senior monk has learned, and what he was trying to impart to his junior counterpart, is the concept of letting go.

What do we gain from holding onto the negativity that we meet in life?

More negativity.

What do we gain from letting the negativity go?

Peace.

----

This week, if you have the misfortune to run into such a situation, first, take a deep breath and let it out.

Then, think of the whole situation and all the negativity surrounding it like a big balloon.  Once's you've collected everything associated with the event, let go of the balloon and let it float away it disappears.

Next, think of 3 interactions that filled your life with positivity.  Let them replace the hole that the negative event left in your life.

Finally, smile.  :)

Abide at the Center of Your Being

Abide at the center of your being.

-Lao Tzu

Always we hope
someone else has the answer,
some other place will be better,
some other time,
it will turn out.

This is it.

No one else has the answer,
no other place will be better,
and it has already turned out.

At the center of your being,
you have the answer:
you know who you are and
you know what you want.

There is no need to run outside
for better seeing,
nor to peer from a window.

Rather abide at the center of your being:
for the more you leave it,
the less you learn.

Search your heart and see
the way to do is to be.

Like a lot of people in my generation, I grew up in an environment that was very achievement driven.  Getting good grades in school was paramount.  I hate to admit it, but there were times when I so desperately wanted to ace a homework assignment that I sneaked a peak at the answers in the back of the book instead of spending more time working through an answer that just didn't seem to come.  Getting the right answer was more important than learning how to get there.

As it turns out, this kind of thing turned out to be a major disservice to my adult-self.  The problems we face as an adult are far more complicated than the chemistry problems of high school, and finding the answers seems harder than ever.

What do I do with my life?

Am I living in the right place?

Am I taking the right path?

What can I do that will make people proud of me?

Am I doing the right thing for my family?

Am I doing the best I can?

The more we scramble to seek the answers by looking outside us, to parents, to teachers, to peers, to competitors, the further from the answers we become.  

What Lao Tzu says is that we don't have to look in the back of the book to find the right answers to our life because there are no right answers, and that is totally ok.  

The only thing we have to do, is to BE. 

That's the only answer.

Today is a gift!

Whenever I teach a kids' yoga class, I share this quote from Winnie the Pooh author, A.A. Milne with my students: "Yesterday is History.  Tomorrow is a Mystery. Today is a Gift...that's why they call it the PRESENT!"

If you're searching for wisdom, one of the best places to look is a collection of children's books.  A.A. Milne, Dr. Seuss, Shell Silverstein, Maurice Sendak: These guys have made a career of boiling down the most important principles of living and making them digestible for kids.

Sometimes, that's exactly what we adults need too.

Living in the past or future can be dangerous.  The past really is history.  We can't change it or bring it back.  The future is a mystery, and try as we might, we can't predict it.  Worrying doesn't help, and will only create crippling fear that can hinder us from moving forward.  If we spend too much time on either side, it can make us crazy.

The solution is to recognize that everything that is happening in this moment is a gift.  We can appreciate that gift by being totally present.  We can love the ones we are with and relish the stimuli that tickle our senses and enjoy every aspect of the human emotional spectrum that we happen to be feeling, whether it be joy, sorrow, silliness, anger, love, or anything in between.

When you are busy enjoying the moment, invasive thoughts of past and future become fewer and farther between, bringing you closer and closer to fully enjoying this gift we call "the Present."

I Am Me!

"There will never be a storm

That can wash the path from my feet

The direction from my heart

The light from my eyes,

or the purpose from this life.

I know that I am untouchable to the forces,

As long as I have a direction, an aim, a goal;

To serve, to love, and to give.

Strength lies in the magnification of the secret qualities

of my own personality, my own character,

And though I am only a messenger,

I am me."

Paramahamsa Satyananda Saraswati

Each one of us is a messenger sent to this world with a unique voice and shared purpose: to serve, love, and bring hope to our fellow earthlings.  Sometimes, when we speak or act upon this purpose, we are met with indifference or disdain, and we feel like we should just shut up.

Nobody's listening, so why should I keep talking?  What do I have to say that hasn't been said by someone louder, stronger, or more powerful?

Satyananda says, "Strength lies in the magnification of the secret qualities of my own personality, my own character...though I am only a messenger, I am me."

You may not have a world stage to speak from or an endorsement deal, but you were endowed with a voice that was made to reach those who need it most.  Even if the message you have to share has been shared before, there are people who need to hear it from you before they will receive the hope that it brings.

You will be surprised at who is listening when it seems like no one is.

The key is to know that as long as you act and speak with the aim to serve, love and give, all you must do is be yourself.

*You. Are. Enough.*

If you can convince yourself of this and always keep it in mind, there is no storm or adversity that can shake you.

Live the questions and the answers will come...

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms or books that are written in a foreign tongue.  The point is to live everything.  Live the questions now.  Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live your way to some distant day into the answers."-Rainer Maria Rilke

---

"I want it NOW!"

We've all been momentarily possessed by our inner-Veruca Salts at one point or another in our lives.  We find ourselves waiting for the next step in our careers or relationships, or wanting the fruits of seemingly endless efforts, or craving inspiration when we are feeling lost.

Rilke tells us that sometimes, you must put the end out of your mind and spend time experiencing that confusing and frustrating middle of the road.  The lessons that you learn in these moments almost always prove essential once you do achieve the answers and ends that you seek.

In yoga, students often look at the covers of Athleta catalogues or yoga magazines and want to be able to immediately do the beautiful poses that they see.  When they can't, they quit.  Worse, they force themselves into poses and get hurt.

Those models make the poses look effortless, but these poses are the end result of sometimes years of work, starting with merely a sliver of the full pose.  With few exceptions, advanced yogis were not born being able to fly up into crow pose or float effortlessly into forearm balance.




It required breaking poses down into manageable pieces, sometimes even after doing a version of the pose that may have looked good, but was not created on a strong foundation. Skipping any of those steps could result in accidents and injury.  It is only after fully mastering each component of a pose, can a yogi achieve the full expression of a beautiful pose.

By giving each of these broken down pieces our full attention and presence, we can learn lessons about our bodies and minds that will not only help us in the poses, but will also help us stay strong and healthy throughout our lives.

Yoga is about being where you are and being ok with that.  Sometimes we feel weak, small, and clueless, but we are never stronger, bigger, and wiser than when we are fully present.

Live the questions.  The answers will come, and you will be ready for them.

Between these two extremes is peace...

"Having spent the better part of my life trying to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I've come to believe that between these two extremes is peace."

I don't know who first spoke this sentiment, but it's one that I've returned to again and again in my life.   We're talking about two main states here: regret and anxiety.  Both of these states hijack our mind, kidnapping it from being in the moment.  We try to change the past to right our perceived wrong-doings or get back a happy moment that has slipped away.  At the other end of the spectrum, we worry about things that have not happened yet and may not ever happen, but scare us just the same.

When we are in either of these two mind-states, it is impossible to be fully in the Now.  When we are present, we can handle anything, because we must take it one thing at a time.  Even if the emotion we experience isn't a pleasant one, addressing one thing is much easier than addressing an onslaught of imaginary moments.  Memories and anxieties are just that: imaginary.  They exist in the mind.  They are not reality.

When you find yourself lost in this imaginary melee, take a moment to come back to your body.  Start with a deep breath.  Feel the cool air fill and expand your lungs.  Pause and hold your breath.  Experience a moment of complete stillness.  Then, exhale fully.  Repeat this cycle five times.

Then, take note of your surroundings.  Be where you are are, now.  Hear the sounds, smell the smells, feel the texture of your clothes, see the beauty around you.

You are not under attack.  You are in the present moment.  What is real is what is directly in front of you. You can handle it.

Be here, now, and you will surely find peace.

Thoughts become things...

"When you get out of bed this morning, you had the thought of getting out of bed before you took action.  You can't take any action without thinking the thought first.  It's your thoughts that determine whether your words and actions will be positive or negative.  Whatever you want in your life, you want because you love it, but most people think and talk about what they don't love more than they think and  talk about what they do love.  They give out more negativity than love, and in doing so they are inadvertently depriving themselves of all the good things in life. Think about what you love."

The concept of controlling your own attitude and choosing positivity over negativity is a simple one, but many of us have a hard time putting it into practice.  Sometimes it feels like outside forces, like the weather, a nasty co-worker, an unsolvable problem, or a challenging relationship, are really the ones in control, and we are powerless over the bad mood or misfortune that results.

The reality is that the mind is really the only thing we DO have control over.  Someone once said, "We can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to it."  Pratyhara is the yogic concept of "control of the senses."  This means practicing non-reaction towards the trials and tribulations of life.  This is the only way to maintain peace and tranquility in a turbulent world.  It means practicing kindness when you could choose argument or anger.  Practicing patience when your instinct is road rage.  Taking a breath instead of yelling.  (In these moments, breathing is your best friend!)

We not only have the power to not react when life threatens to send us into the darkness of negativity.  We also have the power to create the things we want in life, whether that be happiness or goals that we are cultivating deep within our hearts.

The path to what we seek begins first with a thought.  So, practice making it a positive thought.  Because thoughts become things.

"Think Love, Be Love."-Buddha

Be the change you wish to see in the world...

This week in class, I shared this story of a boy throwing sand dollars into the ocean.  A man walked by and said, "why are you doing that.  There are thousands of them washed up on the shore.  You can't make a difference."  The boy replied, "I did for that one."

Often we are overwhelmed with the problems we see in the world.  With such an influx of information from social media and the news, from friends with personal issues to tornado victims, it is easy to feel powerless.  

But, like the boy and his lone sand dollar, if we can recognize one small way we can help in the world, we can make a  difference in one life. If we each do this, just imagine the change we can make in the world.

"Never doubt that a small, group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."-Margaret Mead

Let yourself be silently drawn...

Most people know that going to yoga class is great for your body.  Moving into the different asanas, or poses, can help increase flexibility, strength, respiratory health, blood flow, and focus, just to name a few.  However, your yoga practice can also be an opportunity to reconnect to your spirit and settle your mind.  The stillness we try to create while flowing through a yoga session creates optimal conditions for planting seeds of healing.

Every class I teach, I try to share some piece of wisdom that I know helps me, and that I hope can strike a chord with my students.

This week in class, I shared this quote by Rumi, a poet who lived during the 13th century whose words are as valuable today as they were then:

"Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love.  It will not lead you astray."

I don't think any of us really knows why we might feel pulled toward something.  Whether it be a passion for art or music, or a burning desire to risk everything and start a new enterprise.  There might be so many obstacles in the way to your goal that you might even want to abandon it, renouncing it as silly or unrealistic.

Rumi says that it is not necessarily you fighting for this thing that you want that is leading you to what you desire, but the thing itself that is drawing you to it.  It's your destiny.

So, even when it seems impossible, it is ok to put this desire out of your mind for a moment, and let it do the work to come towards you for a while.

This can apply to your yoga practice too.  Whether you are trying to reach your toes or fly up into crow pose, often it is when you stop trying to force yourself to the end of the pose and focus on being present where you are, you will suddenly find yourself exactly where you want to be.

Namaste <3